I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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