so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
