I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
