see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
