hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
