I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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