Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
