He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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