Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
