He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
