I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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