btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
