i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you had me at cake vodka
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize