Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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