Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
