I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
