I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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