none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
