i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
is that a dick in a sweater?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
