I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"it" just moved
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
