After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
