your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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