Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
