I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
