the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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