Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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