I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
