i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
