apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
