Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
