After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
