That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
