Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize