YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
