I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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