Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
