Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
