I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
