At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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