I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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