I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
