He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
