remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
