I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They have beer where we have blood.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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