remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
