I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
