dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
