You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need to stop coming to work sober
my being single is dangerous.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
