Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
