you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
