I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
