he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
