I can tuck mytits in my pants
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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