the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
