Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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