So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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