girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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