I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
