Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
